I cannot believe it is almost the end of August!! We are rolling into the fall season even though the weather still feels like summer. The months have been flying by and upon reflection last night, I realized that today marks eight months since my life was tossed around by “M”. I think I’ve picked myself up damn well!! It still does not seem like all that nonsense happened eight months ago!! Of course, I lived in the basement guest room of “M’s” house for a month while I scrambled to find other housing. I say “M’s” basement, even though it was “our” house. I never felt like it was mine or any part of “ours” and that feeling was regularly reinforced by “M” in words, but mostly in actions.
C’est la vie! Or as we American’s say, “that’s life”. Never could I have imagined while I was in that basement that my life would become what it is today. I certainly remember many conversations in my mind as I reassured myself I would be in such a different and much better place in six months than what I was experiencing, even though I had no idea what that would look like or how it would happen; I just needed to comfort my panic.
I still have brief periods where I feel like that trauma happened more recently. When I think that through I realize it took me until late May to feel completely settled. I lived in a space with no furniture for months, I sat on pins and needles about a wonderful job opportunity, my current position, for two months and it took me time to get back to some sense of financial stability. I was in complete survival mode for too long and it was often difficult to relax into contentment with my new life. I am still working on the emotional aspects of being treated so horribly in such a surprising way, but at least I’m actively working it through. Clearly, working through the emotional facets of a relationship is not something “M” could do, which is why I am where I am. Isn’t it a strange thing that I can say I am grateful for this experience? I know, it’s odd to say out loud. I absolutely would not wish this upon myself ever, ever again and I wish “M” had chosen a better way to end a relationship that did not leave me in such an awful state, but I feel like it catapulted me directly to my dreams. For this I am truly grateful. Additionally, I feel “saved” from a life I thought would be wonderful but realize now it would have been totally miserable.
I have a job that is perfectly suited for me. It is the job I wished for and desired, it just looks different than I imagined. Sometimes I have to pinch myself about this amazing job to make sure I’m not dreaming!! I completely love it in all ways. It has opened so many new doors for me that will let me continue to build on my dreams. I am taking classes again! Now, that is amazing! They are not college classes, but it is education and I am really enjoying it. I live in the sweetest little place located in one of the wealthiest areas of Portland for a fraction of the cost of what others would rent it for and I have the most awesome landlady ever! She truly cares and has given me the sense of comfort and security I needed. I have learned to live in a small space which is giving me practice for my future tiny house living. I have let go of so much, giving me a feeling of lightness and freedom. I have met some incredible people, I reconnected with people I haven’t seen for years. I am developing new relationships, traveling often and generally enjoying life immensely. I love working on my tiny house process. It’s so exciting to think about and plan!!
Isn’t it grand?! When I see all the incredible things that have fallen into place; when I read my own story, even I get blown away by the goodness of it all. With all this amazing and powerful stuff, it requires some high energy food to help me keep up the pace of my new life. I am a busy woman and I realized that keeping a supply of high energy snacks is essential in my work day since I’m bouncing around town all day and sometimes into the evening!
I wanted to use more of those powerful cocoa nibs I’d written about in a previous post so I came up with this delicious trail mix that is simple and much less expensive than buying it in pre-made packages. I buy all my nuts, seeds and dried fruits in bulk so the savings is even greater. I’m all about the money saving right now because there is a piece of land calling for me and I need to build up my savings for that and the house that’ll I’ll plunk down on it. Give this trail mix a try and keep a stash in your own workplace, or for a quick on the go snack from home.
Who knows what the next eight months has in store for me, but I am imagining nothing but amazing goodness because I will make it happen. There is certainly power in positive thinking! I am moving comfortably forward to the next best part of my life with hope and joy.